


Onegai

by C4ybaby



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Romance, Animal Death, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Childbirth, Childhood Friends, Discrimination, Fluff and Angst, Hate Speech, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Keyblade War (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, Not Canon Compliant, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 18:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16603649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C4ybaby/pseuds/C4ybaby
Summary: "Someone has to be the bad guy."He always been given the bad hand...orXehanort thinking about his life choices...Ya'know the normal stuff.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> CWs  
> Child birth.  
> Death.  
> Blood.

**Destiny Islands**

The baby was born at night.

That was the night everything went wrong. Maybe because the light's were too bright, or the sheets were too stiff. It could have even been the overpowering smell of blood and chemical, but It did not matter what was wrong. The mother giving birth was agitated. Too many lights, too many people... It was all too much. Her husband grips her hand, genuinely happy about the birth.

Her wails filled the void in the night sky. The pain was like having your insides twisted, pulled, and squeezed. The woman fights it, but the pain only became progressively worse. Her black  hair sticks to her face, and pupils are dilated twice the size. To put it lightly... She looks a mess. Once She finally surrendered to and accepted the pain, it was more bearable. The nurse smiled encouragingly.

"He's almost out Ame! Keep going! You can do it." The nurse attending the pregnant woman was neat and stern. Her blond hair tugged high in a ponytail. This was her first time assisting a pregnancy. You could see this in her bright eyes and readiness to help. The doctor tries everything to help the birth move faster, as it was already dragging too long.

 The pain returns, this time with rageful revenge. It tears Ame up from the inside, her mouth drops open and and cries out in pain once again. "Stop! Stop! I want to go home..." She begs to be released. Her head shaking frantically. Her blue eyes darkened.

"You can't leave now Miss Ame! He's almost out," The nurse replied. The woman cried and shut her eyes in pain. The nurse returned to her task, leaving the woman to cry. The husband looks at the nurse in distaste, he removes the black strands of hair from his wife's sweat silken face. Ame gasps as a final tug was felt. She cried, but this time in relieve.

"He's out! Shinzo he's out!" She celebrated.

Her husband gives her an incredulous look. "How'd you know?" He implored, genuinely curious.

 "I felt it," Ame laughed joyously, her tears still wet on her face. Shinzo shook his head and smiled, placing one kiss on his wife's forehead. The nurse grimaced down at the baby as she cut it's cord. The small whails escaped the newborn, sounding more like a small kitten than an actual human. The doctor hands the baby over to be cleaned and checked up on, the doctor lowers his maskand tells the new parents he would step out for a second.

And they are left unattended.

When the nurse returns shortly after the doctor leaves she has the baby wrapped in linen sheets. The baby is  now clean and sorted out, ready to be held and loved. The nurse hesitates in handing him over though. Shinzo notices the nurses hesitation in handing the baby over and panics. 

"What is it?" The nurse doesn't reply. Shinzo becomes stressed by the silence and leaves his wife's wide. "Is he okay?" The nurse snaps from her daze and nods. Carelessly handing the baby to the new mother's waiting arms. The nurse struggles to maintain a calm demeanor.

 "You're baby is very beautiful you both must be proud." Ame smiled and thanked the nurse, then her eyes focused on her newborn. Her smile drops and her distressed expression is a tell all sign something is wrong. The nurse flees the room, before Shinzo can question her.

 Ame crumbles into dispair. Shinzo is confused and worried. What is wrong with his child? Ame looks so broken. "This is all wrong," Ame laughed callously. "You are wrong." Her statement sends shivers down Shinzo's back. He couldn't shake how disgusted she sounded.

  Her eyes glaze over and her arms begins to drop flaccid to her side. Shinzo rushed to the bedside and caught the child before dropped. The nurse returns frantically with the doctor. The man pulls away the sheets out of reflex revealing puddles of blood.

Shinzo gags. It happens too fast.

An influx of people crowd the room and the newborn starts crying. Shinzo shakes with fear as the baby is ripped from his arms by another nurse, before he can even take his first glance at what had everyone freaked out.

Ame is losing too much blood, as he watches Ame bleed his newborn is taken from his arms. Shinzo felt his perfect little compact world crumbling away, and revealing a darker picture. Destiny was truly cruel in the way it percieved things. Shinzo could only sit and watch as ecerything happened.

  It was 11:20 P.M, a void and cruel night when Xehanort was born to two parents. Ame and Shinzo at Destiny Island's only hospital.

It was 3:00 A.M the next day when he only had Shinzo to call a parent... If he could be called as much.

For the first few weeks of his life Xehanort had no name, no mother and ultimately no father. His father was too caught up in the grieve of Ame's death, to visit or even check up on the newborn staying in the hospital nursery. Only being referred to as a number-letter sequence; BABYX3H

Even in his earliest moments, Xehanort was dealt the losing hand.  
       

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>    Gold. 
> 
>    The fear of Golden eyes was called Aureusphobia, generalized as the fear of things associated with golden eyes such as; heartless, darkness, seize and seizure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cws  
> Animal death.  
> Inappropriate sexualized behaviour.  
> Violence.  
> Fondling.

Chapter One - Where Evil Spawns.

  **Home**

  _9:42 a.m_

  **Journal Eight, Entry Seven** **.**

_The sky fills with screams, and then grows silent yet again. Today, I am one year older, but that does not seem like an accomplishment. More like a curse. My eye color has not grown lighter in the past years, it seemed the gold is here to stay and only becomes bolder by the second. If this is truely a test of my will, if Kingfom Hearts above is really testing my resilience..._

_I do not want it._

_Ending on a side note, Vani is dead. I buried him late last night after Litus and his gang of hooligans killed him... The world around me has grown darker without him._   _I miss the pup._

 Xehanort sets his pen down. The summertime breeze is hot. The boy moves silver fringe from his eyesight and stares out of the window, his attire only a dark grey tanktop and black shorts.

 Early summer on the Islands were the months of morning heat waves, appalling humid afternoons and heartfilled melodies of Blitz Ball (which had become the annual summertime game.) The heat would bounce off the buildings, and watery shores. Causeing an illusion of wavering images. Perspiration would surface on your forehead, cheeks, and run in rivulets down your face until you became silken and swollen. Summertime on the Islands were those days when even the well dignified could not conceal the pooling sweat pits on their stiff dress shirts.

Xehanort walks down stairs. He stand in front of the cool refrigerator. The low hum cuts through the air and tickles Xehanort's limps. The boy grabs a juice from it's package and positioned himself near the open window, althought the summer breeze was not cool in any sense. It was muggy and hot.

 This kind of weather was weather to sit down and read a book. (Which he did most days anyway.) With this sudden new urge to read, Xehanort picked himself up and crushed his juice box in his palm.

        ~•~•~

   **Library**

_10:14 a.m_

The bell to the small library rings. Alerting the librarian of Xehanort's arrival. The elderly, short man behind the desk took one glance at Xehanort and grimaced, as if he was in physical pain. The youth seemingly ignored this, instead focusing on The smell of paper and print that was overwhelmingly strong today, Xehanort scanned the libary. It was awfully uneventful to say the least. No kids running around, and no reckless teens running around trashing the place after school.

It was humble, just like Xehanort liked it.

The boy turns back toward the the desk. The short, rounded, wrinkly man was affectionately nicknamed 'Mr.Nook' and was the Islands only librarian. Mr.Nook was fairly tolerant and hospitable (at least more hospitable than that of the Baker or Fisher.) Xehanort slids a thick, leather bound book over to the man. The pages were worn and yellowed from age. Mr.Nook practically snatched the book away and shoved it into the cubby behind him.

 The man's hand shook as he crossed Xehanorts name off the _'overdue'_ list. "Well. At least you managed to turn it in, b-b-but that still means you o-o-owe the library fifty gil Mister!" Mr.Nook screeched out in a nasally highpitched voice. The man puttered out a cough and adjusted his wide rimmed glasses. Xehanort noticed the urgency in the man's voice.

"You must be very busy Mr.Nook, I'll be but a second." Xehanort flashes the man an exaggerated grin.

"W-well you better! I don't need you mucking the place up!" The porkish man squealed, grabbing the corners of the desk with great vitality. The youth smiles cautiously. Golden eyes so sharply defined, they glew in the light of the room.

"Wouldn't dream of wasting your time," Xehanort said. The round man mumbled something incoherent. Xehanort walked around the library, searching for one specific book he wanted. When he finds the dust book he takes it in his arms and embraces it like a lost friend. "This will be all."

 Mr.Nook eyes Xehanort precariously, as he filled out the youth's information on the list of registered books. The man shooed Xehanort away from his library, wanting the youth gone. His presence 'ruining the natural calm' of things.

Xehanort held onto the book with genuine needfulness. In that moment, leaving the library with a new book felt like breathing fresh morning air. On his way home, he passes a familiar porch.

Lady Kaelie was the odd elderly woman who often spoke to him in a rythmic way. There was no rush with her. Xehanort spots her there, sitting with her feet in cool water, drinking in the radiant heat of summer. She lets her eyes close in a way that appears restful. It is her in that way, with such calmness, that Xehanort has learned to express himself. The Summer winds move the clumsily made windchimes on the porch. creating an ever-changing song of light and life.

From her rocking chair on the porch, Lady Kaeli opens her eye and smiles widely at Xehanort, the gap in her teeth showing prominently. "My-My if it ain't the birthday boy." Xehanort bowed his head in respect for the woman, but she shooed that formality away quickly.  "Don't be stuffy Xey, give little old lady Kaelie a hug!" The youth cracked a shattered smile. The woman smothers Xehanort with so much affectionate, it's so warm and comforting. Xehanort loses his cool exterior and cries into the woman's soft fabricated clothing.

 "Euh." Xehanort cries, the sound muffled by Lady Kaelie's clothing. The woman ushers the boy to her chest. "Lady Kaelie, I applaud the gesture but I am far too old---"

"No one's too old Xehanort!" Kaelie reprimanded the youth. "Now mind tell me why you're all watery eyed? Is it Shinzo again? I swear I will march right over there to him on that beach and---"

"Vani's dead... Litus killed him." Lady Kaelie placed a hand over her heart and let out a pained gasp. Xehanort looked up at the woman with heavy eyes.

"No, not the pudgy puppy!" Her shock soon transforned into anger. "Litus is the source of all evil on this island, he's nothin' but a self righteous blind maniac. With ideology like his, the darkness will take his heart sooner than later. No matter what he puts you through you must prove him wrong Xehanort! You are not defined by him, you are only defined by your actions."

"Thank you madam."

"Happy birthday Xey. Smile you earned it."

            ~•~•~

              **Home.**  
          _1:38 p.m_

Xehanort has his head on the kitchen floor, and his legs are half inside and half outside the refrigerator. His silver hair is sprawled across his face, and the tiled  floor that was such an ugly orange and cremé colored pattern. Xehanort closes his eyes and places the old libary book on his face. He's beyond bored. He's read every book in the library, including the one in his hands and counted every crack in the walls and floors around sixteen-thousand times.

The thought of a nice walk on the beach was slightly exellirating. Something to due before his father got home from working on the boats down on the northern side of the island, and made him rub his back. The idea made the youth shiver. Xehanort hops to his feet and closes the refrigerator. Picking up his book and placing it on the table.

First, he'll take a nap.

        _Gold._

 _The fear of Golden eyes was called Aureusphobia, generalized as the fear of things associated with golden eyes such as; heartless, darkness, seize and seizure._ _The teenage boys were most likely two years or three years his junior. They had sharp elongated faces that stared wolfishly at him. Both had pure blue eyes and putrid hearts._

_"Kill it." The leader commanded. The wolfish boys smiled charmingly. Xehanort pulled away, but the teenager holding him captive pulled on his wrists in a violent manner. The real subject of the cruelty was a pudgy stray dog Xehanort found, and had been feeding in his free time. He had affectionately named the pup 'Vani'._

_"Stop!" Xehanort shouted. The leader made a gesture to his neck, two of his lackeys enclosed the small pudgy dog. He looked so calm, complacent. The lackey whistled patting his thighs, and urging the dog out of it's corner._

_"Here doggy," The lackey sung out in a sickeningly sweet tune. The pudgy thing trotted into unsuspecting doom. Xehanort fought against the teens, retailated with ever fibre of his being. He was older he should be able to defend the pup, and defend himself. The gaggle of teens laugh._

_It's a cruel sound._

_Xehanort struggles once more. His voice dire, but direct "Don't do it," Xehanort warns._

_"Yap, yap... YAP!" The leader yells, his teeth bared in a barbaric fashion. "You're darkness, and darkness doesn't deserve nice things! Darkness deserves nothing more than pain! Light always transpires!" The boy becomes more hostile. His eyes are caught on his lackeys, who have Vani in their arms. They are hesitant in taking further action. The pup looks between all the unidentified faces, when he sees a distressed Xehanort he yips._

_"Of course. But, the dog isn't a part of this tell them to let him go," Xehanort answers cooly. This pisses Litus off even more than before. The boy bombards his lackeys snatching the black dog from their hands._

_"You're evil," Litus states, dropping Vani on the ground, the wounded pup makes a pitiful noise before the boy stomps down. Xehanort could feel his blood freeze up and his breathing come to a jarring stop. The boy is stopped by the shortest lackey. The short lackey looks absolutely traumatized._

_"L-Let's go," The traumatized teen stutters._

_The leader rips his arm away from the traumatized boy. The other group of lackeys let Xehanort go, and he falls to the floor. As they left the leader delivers a few parting words._

_"This is you're fault, you brought it on yourself freak," The leader whispered to Xehanort before wiping his bloodied shoes on the youth's face. Xehanort pulls himself up to Vani's body. The pup breathes in and out, then his body grows stiff._

_Xehanort cries._  
       ~

The youth wakes up to the door downstairs slamming. Making the presence of his father well known. Shinzo worked all day most days out of the week down at the docking bay, fixing boats. When he came home he expected dinner and all duties that were his magically casted away. Xehanort would usually cook for him, clean for him and draw him a bath.

"Boy!" Shinzo yelled downstairs. Xehanort scrambled out of bed and rushed downstairs. His father sits in that old chair and sighs. Shoes already off. "You know the drill." Xehanort bowed complacently, and hands Shinzo a cold drink. The man relaxes into the chair. "Damned good for nothing abomination, does nothin' all day as and can't even greet me at the fucking door."

 Xehanort sometimes wondered if his father was always such a potty mouth. He wonders if Shinzo was a good man before he was born. If Xehanort was never born, and if Ame never died... Who would Shinzo be today? Would he be the same man who made him sit on his lap, cook him meals and draw him a bath?

 Xehanort doesn't want to think about it right now. The boy gets the pans prepared, ready to begin cooking, but Shinzo stops him. "Get over here Xehanort." The youth retracts his hands from the pan's and walks over to the man in the chair. Shinzo pats his thighs and Xehanort hesitantly sits down on the mans lap. "You're finally eighteen, how does it feel?"

Xehanort can feel something hard push against his underside. He opts not to speak up on it.

      "Good."  
  

       **Beach**  
       3:17 p.m

The sunset over the water was always magnificent, it would be an hour before the sun completely set and another thirty-five mintues until the moon rose. The water is painted red, yellow and pink, just like the sky. The boats from the side islands reel into the main island for the night. The sand is still warm underneath Xehanort's weight.

 The boy sighs and closes his eyes, someone once said the little moments were to die for. Xehanort can't quite pin where he heard the phrase, but...

"This world is just too small," Xehanort states in a calloused way.

Small. Docile. Unidentified. Xehanort knew there was more out in the universe, in the world than this lump of old rock, sitting in the vast ocean ready to drown. He could feel adventure calling out to him from beyond the painted blue seas. The traveller he meets with tells him majestic tales of castles and beasts, princesses and knights.

 Of the multitude of the worlds, of the Keyblade. He knows these stories are fiction, but something within him calls out desperately for them.

He knows the man will be here, he promised to show.  The traveller has always kept his word, ever since they met on this beach several moons ago. Xehanort sits down on the warm grains of sand.

          The traveller will show.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xehanort remembers being so safe the first time he met him. The first time he met Eraqus. 
> 
> Too bad he was wet, and cold... 
> 
> and bleeding from his head. 
> 
>  
> 
>         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw  
> Violence  
> Abuse  
> Blood  
> Starvation

     **Beach**  
     _4:00 a.m_

They say if you ignore something long enough it will fade away. That whatever ails you will _magically_ disappear and that everyone would suddenly become bubblegum perfect.  Xehanort was tired of ignoring his ailments. He was tired of ignoring Litus and his abuse, tired of ignoring the discrimination, the pain, the fear... Everything in his life seemed like it was shit, and Xehanort knew this.

 Lulled by the crashing waves Xehanort struggles to stay awake. He's been out here for hours now, stubborn and relentless. With no warning the teen finds himself drifting off. It wasn't that he meant to fall asleep. The tip of his thumb is neatly tucked into his mouth, body curled protectively. The silver strands of his hair collect warmful grains of golden sand.

A cool night befalls the sky and soon the youth grows colder. Shivering, as a cold wind blew by. As time falls forward more sand entangled in Xehanort's sliver mane of hair, and becomes sticky. It was only when the sun started to peek over the shores that the youth stirred away. Eyes opened to be greeted by the reflextion of the sun in the water. Xehanort's heart sank, and  he sloppily pulled a strand of hair from his mouth.

 This was the first time the stranger hadn't shown up. 

      ~•~•~

        **Home**  
        _4:13 a.m_

Xehanort sneaks back in through the living room window. The youth shut the window behind him and turned to face the dark interior of the house. Only lit by the faint outline of the sun peeking through the windows. Xehanort walls to the wooden stairs, taking one step forward and----

     Stopping.

Shinzo glowered down at him from the top of the stairs. The youth felt his heart flip in his throat. The man took two steps down. "I-I." Xehanort could not speak. This wasn't the first time the teen had snuck out in the middle of the night, but this was the first night he had made so many crucial missteps.

Staying out for too long, and being caught the most prominent of the bunch. Knowing he couldn't deter the man's wrath for long, the teen lied. "I couldn't sleep so I went to... Check the mail," Xehanort grimaced through his teeth. Lying was not a strong suit. Xehanort cowered away from his father, wishing he could go back in time and prevent this confrontation from even happening.

The man raised a hefty hand and placed it on Xehanort's shoulder. The man speaks slowly.

 "Where did you go Xehanort?" His eyes are so harsh, so cold. Xehanort can feel that emotional relapse build up in his chest, until it overflowed. The youth cried. Xehanort hasn't cried like this since he was eight. The man does not waver. "Where were you!?" Xehanort flinched at the harshness in the man's voice.

 "I was looking for a friend, but he didn't show." Xehanort sees the rage on his father's face. It was clear as day, the youth held his breath. Shinzo grabs Xehanort by his cheek. "I'm sorry..." The young adult forces out. "Are you going to hit me?" Xehanort's sinning eyes looked up, teary and broken.

"I should have know you were at that age where you would be interested in other people, but let's be honest Xehanort. _No one wants you."_ Shinzo forced Xehanort lower down the stairs, wa wanting to display who had the power in the conversation. "So who's your special 'friend' the Miller's daughter? The Baker's son?"

 "No..."

 "Xehanort you are a lot of things, but a whore? I mean sneaking out? That's new..."

 "No! I---"

" ** _Don't_** talk back to me!" Shinzo snaps, grabbing Xehanort by his neck and leading him upstairs. The youth coughed, as he was thrown into the bedroom. "You can come out later." The door slams shut, with an audible 'click. Xehanort gets up and slams his hands on the door angrily. 

"SHINZO!"    

Xehanort waits until he hears the downstairs door close. "I don't want to use you, but..." Xehanort holds his arm out placing his hand directly on the door. "Open this door... Please." Darkness wells around his arm and takes form, skillfully flowing in between the cracks of the door and unlocking the door from the other side. When Xehanort hears the door click, he rushes out of the bedroom.

Feeling disoriented, Xehanort sits down for a second on the stairs. When was the last time he ate? He feels so _weak_. Shinzo liked it like that, he liked to feel bigger than everyone. Xehanort's eyes drift over to the door. With a single hand on his aching stomach the young adult pushes on. He would check the beach _one last time_ just once to see _._

_~•~•~_

**The Pier**  
             _5:16_

 In the distance the school bell tolls and straggling students on the streets quickly ran to their destination. Two students right straight ahead, a orange haired boy with a cock grin and a blonde with little to no emotional response.

"Come on dude! We're going to be late!" The orange haired teenager was short and not as matured, as his cool headed friend. The boy dashes forward, with little to no care where he was looking. The blonde shouts out for the orange teen to wait. It was too late anyway.

The boy collides bodies with Xehanort, the teen tumbles to the ground and skins his hands painfully on the pavement. Xehanort offers his hand, that wasn't secured on his stomach. The boy takes it, eyes still focused on the ground. "Sorry I---" Caribbean blue eyes meet golden ones. The boy screams, and tumbles back onto the ground. The mature friend grabs him, and runs toward the school building in the. Eyes wide with fear.

 _"Look you ran right into it! You could have died!"_ Xehanort hears the boys whispering. From the corner of his eye, Xehanort can see a hooded figure staring at him from the docking ports. The teen starts to run after the wandering stranger when a sudden realization befell him. Shinzo was at the docking ports... Working on the boats. Xehanort was cautious, if he just strolled out into the ports, Shinzo would be furious.

  _Ignoring_ _things_ _won't_ _make_ _them magically better, ignoring Shinzo and his wrath will only make him powerful._ A voice whispered to him. Xehanort clenched his hands, then unclenched them; debating if following the hooded figure was really a grand idea, afterall the mysterious traveller broke his promise the moment he did not show up last night. Xehanort clenched his teeth and trekked into the ports, the sun burning his exposed limps and leaving them an angry scarlet color.

 The sand gets into his shoes and _burns_ , the grains of sand scald their way down deeper into his shoe, but Xehanort was undeterred, and kept walking. He did not stop until he could feel the steam from the boats, and ships being repaired. He did not stop until he could hear the machinery

_Why do they even have these boats? It's not like anyone leaves_ _this_ _place._

 Xehanort stops to stare at the scene. The palm trees just off the coast swayed with the muggy winds. The water looked so refreshing, the endless vast pool of water. Xehanort wondered if the ocean would ever end, if this small Island was all there was in this world. If he fell into the ocean, would the waves swallow him up?

 ' _No one_ _leaves_ _.'_

Xehanort shivered, and continued. When he sees the robed figure, he reaches out and--- Nothing... The figure is gone. Xehanort stares down at his hands, where the arm phased right through the man. The machinery whirls in time, and a hefty hand is placed on Xehanort's shoulder. He pauses for a moment before turning around.

 "Ansem..." Xehanort whispered the mysterious traveller's name. The traveller seems to become agitated by this. "You broke your promise. You made me look like an idiot!" The silence is thick in the air, The figure breaks the tense silence with his own words.

"That name... Is cursed... Do not speak such words boy." Xehanort was annoyed by how the man shrugged his desperation off, as if he was a small speck in something greater. "I have nothing else to give, I have shared every story I know with you.

 "Make more! Share more! I can't--- I can't live like this any---" Xehanort chokes. Tears spill from his eyes and rush down his cheeks. "I'm---"

"HEY!" A Voice interrupted.

Litus crept up to the peer with only two lackeys in store. Litus was what Xehanort thought of when the word _**creep**_ crossed his mind. A person who moves akin to a snake, with little to no care for personal space. Yeah, that summarized Litus perfectly. Oily fringed hair stuck to one side of his face, and a unruly half smile that just barely met his animalistic eyes. Xehanort turned to the figure, but he was gone. There was no trace of the man of the ports, and no footprints on the sand.

  "What do you---"

Litus grabs Xehanort by his collar. The boy brings him close enough to his face and slides a wet tongue over Xehanort's cheek. The teen laughs and drops Xehanort. His friends watch casually. The machinery whirls.

"Hm, what are you doing all the way out here? What a surprise." Litus chuckles dutifully. His opens his eyes, a darkness swirled within them.

"Nevermind that, I saw you talking to someone..." Litus curls around him, and Xehanort feels surrounded. "Who was it?" When Xehanort doesn't answer, Litus squeezes his hand around Xehanort's neck. Litus smirks. "So who was---oof." Xehanort bites Litus on his forearm, he bites down until Litus screams and blood gushes out and decorates his mouth.

Once freed Xehanort tries running, but Litus grabs his arm and drags him back to the wooden pier. Xehanort fights against the boy and ends up being pulled to the edge. "Stop!" Xehanort screams. The youth escapes Litus's grip, and falls off the wooden pier. His side slams into the hard boat docked underneath the pier. Water fills his lungs. He kicks up toward the surface, but the boat that was once roped to the pier was freed.

The waves slammed directly into Xehanort's head. Blood gushed out of his wound, a shout is heard above the water. Xehanort feels so dizzy, and by the time he hears his name being shouted he drifted into the darkness.

And for the first time in a while... Xehanort welcomes it.

     ~•~•~

_"Master! I think he's waking up!"_

Xehanort remembers being so safe the first time he met him. The first time he met Eraqus. Too bad he was wet, cold and bleeding from his head.

       

    
        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowwww I did it... Are you proud. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! ❤❣❤
> 
> (Get dunked on... Lol srry no Eraqus in this chapter yet.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But strange enough. It was like stepping closer to home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cws
> 
> Description of drowning/death

 

 **???**  
??

_The water moves softly around his outstretched hands, caressing them cooly. The water is alive. It bubbles and squirms around his body. It was so warm and peaceful here. Xehanort  could stay all day._

_So cool._

_So tempting._

_Then, the water enclosed around him, akin to a fist clenching. This filled him with a sense of dread. Another wave washes over him, this one sent Xehanort flying face first into a docked boat. His conciousness drifted, Red and black splotches danced in front of him and he couldn't remember if his eyes were opened or closed. The coldness, and peace he had initally felt upon entering the water was completely gone, instead a desperate hot wave had come over him. The waves are violent in their attack. His heart pounded rapidly in panic. The urgency for air was more apparent than ever. There weren't red blotches in Xehanort' field of vision anymore. It was all black._

_"Help."_

Xehanort opened his mouth, gasping for air. It felt like there was a pressure residing in his chest. Tears filled his vision. He brought his arm up to wipe the tears away, but a handkerchief was offered to him. The teen hesitantly took the hankerchief, eyes still focused on the ground. When Xehanort did look up he was met with a smile.

The other boy was awful young. Around fourteen even fifteen. He seemed genuinely nice. Xehanort clenched the handkerchief in his hand, then wiped away his tears.

"Are you alright? Master told me he would be here soon to check on you."

Xehanort could only stare at the youth. He had a younger, round face, with light blue eyes that were almost in the silver category. His black hair hung in rivulets in front of his face, pulled back into a ponytail, all that thick black hair held back by the tiniest elastic. The boy was pale, but his cheeks were red where he smiled. His smile was so comically wide that it was contagious.

Xehanort could only stare at him.

"Oh!" The boy exclaimed loudly, scaring Xehanort enough to make him jump. The boy made an apologetic gesture. "Sorry, my name is Eraqus. What is yours?" Eraqus queries, cocking his head to the side like a lost puppy, waiting for his response. Xehanort opens his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Surprised by this, Xehanort lifted his hand to his lips. A sharp pain ran through his throat, causing the boy to double over and cough. Eraqus soothingly rubbed Xehanort's back. He looks over at the doorway, hoping that help would come soon. "Um... You okay?" Xehanort glared at the boy pointedly. _Did he look okay?_

"Sorry that was a dumb question," Eraqus whispered.

The door clicks open. Eraqus averts his eyes to the doorway. Xehanort takes this interval of time to get a feel of his surroundings. The room he was in was small and blue. With profound objects hung up on the walls. Xehanort stares at the old tribal mask hung on the wall.

_Who in their right mind wants that staring at them while they sleep?_

"An old tribal mask, given to me by the tribe leader for saving his daughter, from the darkness," A voice shot through the silence. Xehanort grabbed the sheets and blushed. Was he staring too much at that hideous thing? Was it obvious he has distaste for it? The man stepped forward, adorned in white satin robes, with a black outer layer.

He had tousled black hair with grey highlights, most likely the signs of age. His eyes were an ocean blue, a shade of which Xehanort has never seen. The man's face was strong and defined, his features molded looked like they were from marble. He had dark eye brows, which sloped downwards in a serious expression. His lips curved up into a smile. Along his nose is a jarring scar. His strong hands, slightly rough from over working, held a medium sized Japanese orient cup.

"Here we are, drink up." The older man handed the orient cup to Xehanort. The young man carressed the fine glassware in his heavy palms. The cup lingers from the warmth of the liquid inside. Xehanort peers into the cup, the contents looked like tea. Xehanort had only one cup of the substance in his life; Lady Kaelie had given it to him.

Xehanort takes a large sip.

He expected the concoction to be sweet with the lingering taste of honey settling on his tongue. When he brought the rim of the cup to his mouth it tasted sour. Xehanort recoiled from the initial shock. Eraqus leers at Xehanort, and bursted out laughing as soon as he catches a glimpse of his unforgettable reaction. Xehanort still hadn't swallowed the gulp he took, instead it stayed within his cheeks. The bitterness of the tea made Xehanort dizzy. It tasted like cough syrup.

Where was the sweetness of the honey? Or the sugar? If there was a drink to describe misery... This would be it.

The older man chuckles. "Do not be put off by the tea friend. It may not taste the best, but I mixed elixir in so it should help with your throat." Xehanort **_glowers_** at the cup. He did not know why. It seemed like something to do. With hesitation Xehanort swallows the horrid concoction in one gulp. He shivered, as it made it's way down his throat. Burning.

It did help though. Xehanort felt his muscles relax, soon feeling less uncomfortable and irritated. The man lifted Xehanort's chin up, revealing his throat. "Lift up, let me see," The man grumbled. Xehanort complied, lifting his neck up fully. The man looks around Xehanort's neck, before clicking his tongue. He retracts his hands, and Xehanort lowers his head.

"Seems the damage to your throat cavity has been decreased. I am Master Eizra, and who might you be?"

"X-Xehanort."

Eraqus gleamed at this. His eyes drifted back and forth between the two ecstatically. "Xehanort, what a nice name! Is that your real eye color?Where did you come from? How did you get here? Are you a keyblade wielder?" Eraqus shot out his questions like bullets from a machine gun. Powerful and consistent. Overwhelmed by this, Xehanort shrunk back. Cowering away from the enthusiastic youth.

"Eraqus, Be patient. Do you want extra coursework for your crudeness?" With the threat of extra work, Eraqus shrunk back himself. His disgust clear on his face. The youth pouted crossing his arms.

"No, Master Eizra."

"Good then, now go. I bet you still have work to do on that spell book." Eraqus stomped his foot, eyes flashed with frustration. Master Eizra waited and watched. Eraqus' frown deepened, before his arms fell at his sides and his anger turned to disappointment.

"..."

  
The boy left silently. Xehanort suddenly felt his gut wrench, inserting itself dominatingly. The feeling was like getting punched in the stomach, and getting the wind knocked out of you. The young man did not want the boy to leave. Although Eraqus was overwhelming to him, he held no hostile energy. It wasn't like Master Eizra did either, but the man was much...much... _older._ Xehanort knew this shouldn't be a problem, but deep, **deep** down inside, he could not shake this feeling of dread at the thought of being left alone with him.

"Xehanort. How did you get here? To the castle of The Land Of Departure."

The man evaluates, crossing his arms in a stern manner. The young adult looks at his hands, then back at Master Eizra. The man cocked an eyebrow to display is confusion. Xehanort scratched, and picked at the fray sheets.

"I don't really remember much," Xehanort lied. He felt obligated to do so. This was a strange man he did not know, in an environment he wasn't familiar with. If Xehanort was lucky the man would throw him out and he would be able to find out what was going on by himself. The master relaxed his tense stature. Loosening his jaw.

"Nothing? Not even where you came from?" Xehanort shook his head. Lies. All lies. How could he forget that stupid hunk of rock floating in the middle of nowhere? He did not desire to go back anytime soon, "Unfortunate."

"Very."

Silence passed between the two for a while. Master Eizra waited until the silence became stuffy and awkward, which wasn't very long, "Your eyes... They are of an ancient color... Gold. Interesting." This observation chilled Xehanort to the bone. It make him feel icky. How does someone respond to that?

"You are lucky to have such strong colored eyes," Eizra added. Xehanort stares at Eizra openly with a notable shock to his expression. Xehanort had heard a lot of things about his eyes, but strong... _Lucky?_ These words were a mockery. That was what it was! This man--- Eizra. Was just like the rest. Mocking him like this. The man shifted toward the door.

"Shall we be off then?"

 

Land Of Departure  
Extra Room  
11:45 A.M

This room was "his" for the time being. A very spacious room, not colorful in the traditional sense, but very homey, with a lot of desk space for study. When Xehanort stepped into the room (that granted needed a bit of dusting.) His mind immediately filled with nostalgia. The room smelt like old books and oak wood polish.

Xehanort turned to Eizra. His visage was usually calm, but Xehanort couldn't help but crease his brows in confusion. "This room... It's _mine_?" The man raised his own eyebrow at the peculiar question. He had said it was Xehanort's room to use, had he not?

"Is it not of your liking--"

"Don't you want me to sleep with _you_? In _your_ bed?" The man seemed offended and slightly concerned that Xehanort would make such a serious mistake. He recoiled from the shock wave. He blinked a few times to gather his thought, and in a quick and fashionable manner placed a hand of Xehanort's shoulder. The boy continued to look down.

"What gave you that assumption?"

"I don't---"

"HEART'S ALMIGHTY!" Eraqus screeched from down the hallway. Eizra   rushed down the corridor. Xehanort watched the man vanish and quickly followed. They approached the kitchen and once inside found Eraqus mourning over what seemed to be a charred cake. Eizra examines Eraqus for injury. When he found none, he became crossed with the boy.

"What has gotten into you today Eraqus? You are usually extremely good at following my directions. Have you gotten sick? Are you lashing out? I want to know." Eraqus tears up. His mumbles something and averts his eyes from the man. Shame coiled around him.

"I'm just excited to have Xehanort here with us! I was so afraid he wouldn't wake up. He was so cold when I found him. I thought he was gone... I've never seen anyone so blue." Xehanort notices how delicate Eraqus actually looked. His hands clasps over eachother and shook vigorously. His eyes widened and shakey. Obvious signs of someone who had witnessed extreme trauma.

Stumbling upon a almost lifeless body must have been hard on him. Xehanort concludes; He felt bad now. Maybe if he hadn't fallen into thay stupid ocean, he wouldn't be here, and Eraqus wouldn't be so shaken up. Hesitantly Xehanort took the handkerchief from his own pocket, and diligently wiped away the tears of the shorter boy.

"I'm sorry," Xehanort mumbled to the boy, as he hands the handkerchief back to the boy. They maintain eye contact for a while, before Xehanort feels uncomfortable and looks away. Eraqus is smiling again, and takes the Hankercheif in his own hand.

"It's okay!" Eraqus exclaimed. Master Eizra let out a breath and rolled his eyes.

"Well. As long as we are here, we should bake a correct cake," Master Eizra suggested. Eraqus nodded his head, not wanting to return to his work right away. Xehanort stayed off to the sides, letting the two do what they wanted. Feeling out of place, as the two conversed.

But strange enough. It was like stepping closer to home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was deleted twice... I am not amused.  
> ʕಠɷಠʔ


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs  
> -Mention of physical abuse   
> -

**_Xehanort's Room_ **

_1:40 P.M_

**_Journal Entry # 1_ **

_This will be my new Journal series. Any past Journal's will be referred to as 'lost'._

_Destiny Islands is gone. I feel numb to those words, as I pick up this pen to write this._

_I arrived at this new place--- The Land of Departure. I do not know how, and I do not know why. I do know that the occupants of this castle include; a boy around my age, named Eraqus, who lives here with his Master named Eizra. They don't appear hostile, but I will have to further investigate, before making such claims;_ _Updates will continue once I discover more._

"Xehanort?" A voice asked, interrupting the established silence. Xehanort stiffened, an awkwardness crept along his spine. Eraqus leaned just outside the door, smiling warily from behind the wooden frame. The boy wasn't very vocal, he was just as awkward as Xehanort was in a social setting.

"Yes?" Xehanort answers, turning toward the boy. Eraqus shuffled his feet.

"Um, Master wanted me to share these with you!" The boy reveals a plastic bag filled with small candies, of varying size. Eraqus throws the bag at Xehanort's feet, and in curiousity Xehanort picks it up. The bag was heavy in Xehanort's hand, almost to the point where it hurt. Eraqus slipped into the room, the boy was still on gaurd, but he seemed more relaxed than before.

Xehanort looks at the candies with a worrisome gaze.

"I'm not allowed to eat... Candy," Xehanort mutters; handing the candy back to Eraqus. Dumbfounded, the boy resisted the bag. Xehanort looks back up at Eraqus. They stare into each other's eyes, until it got awkward again, and Eraqus had tear his gaze away.

"No! I insist, Master said it was fine!" Eraqus exclaimed. He hands the bag back to Xehanort with a gentle touch. Xehanort takes the bag, and looks at Eraqus like he just punched him in his gut. The older teen looks around cautiously, like a cornered puppy.

"Thank you for your hospitality, but I've never had candy before," Xehanort said in a low tone. Eraqus almost Immediately retracted himself from Xehanort, his face displayed pure anguish, the boy leaps at Xehanort, and tears the bag away from his hands. This wasn't a hostile act, but the teen was surely surprised.

"You've never had candy before?! Why?!" Eraqus exasperated.

Xehanort shrugged. Candy was a treat, and he never got treats. Shinzo did not allow him to eat candy, because he was "too rotten" and candy would rot him even more.  Xehanort stares at his quivering hands. How many times had Shinzo told him that? How many times did he believe it, and look down at these very hands, waiting for them to rot off?

Eraqus grasps Xehanort's shaking hands. Again, they awkwardly link eyes, before tearing apart, "Sorry! Er. Don't you want to try some chocolate?" Xehanort cocks his head to a side; his face scrunched in confusion.

"Choc--late?" Xehanort questions aloud. Eraqus excitedly unwraps a bar of Galaxy Premiere Milk Chocolate, and hands Xehanort half of it. His grin was warmful. Xehanort is hesitant to grap the chocolate. His hand quivers and shakes the entire time he reaches for it. _It's just candy Xehanort!_ The teen reasons with himself. Eraqus smiles patiently.

"It's gonna melt if you don't take it now Xehanort," Eraqus whispered. The boy playfully shakes the chocolate in the air, and fakely screams, "I'm gonnnnnaaa meltttt!" In the best ghostly voice he could muster up, which ended up sounding more like a ninety-five year old man, Xehanort laughed at this. He takes the chocolate in his hand, quick to  eat it before the hesitation could set in.

The chocolate was an explosion of flavor. Xehanort was first hit by the hazelnut, then he was impacted by the sugary aroma, and taste the chocolate initially had given off. That taste lingered on his tongue and cheeks for some time. The teen hummed at the sensation of the pleasant treat. Xehanort cupped his cheek, knowing that this moment would be a memory he would never forget.

"Can... Can I have some more?" Xehanort asked hopefully. His eyes had a newer shine to them. Eraqus laughed and led them to the bed where they sorted out the candy.

~•~•~

Xehanort's Room

5:40 P.M

**Journal Entry**

_**Update:**_  
_Eraqus let me try candy for the first time today. It was really sweet, although I think I like the Chocolate and gummies_ _the_ _most. Eraqus warned me about eating too much candy, and getting a stomach ache before he left, but I couldn't help myself and ate half my pile. Through this method of research I found out that I do not have a knackering for licorice, or jelly beans._

_I'll keep you updated._

Xehanort was anxious. He had woken just up from a nap, and It was already so late. Would he be punished for sleeping in so late? He placed his pen down, and looked at the door, waiting to see if someone would barge through the door and yell at him. When nothing happened, Xehanort reluctantly relaxed. He smoothly walks to the door, opens it and leaves his room.

 **Hallway**  
5:43 p.m

The corridors are cold in this castle, and not to mention dark. Xehanort could barely see three feet ahead of him. He puts his hand out to gauge where he was, but that ultimately fails when Xehanort missed the second step of the staircase. He goes tumbling down in three seconds flat.

Everything seems to slow down when your falling. In the seconds it took to reach the ground, Xehanort knew everything was going to hurt like a bitch... And it did. The moment his hand tried to save him from the fall and broke underneath the pressure. _That hurt._ The way his head flooded with adrenaline and stole the air from his lungs. _That hurt._ The way his back hit the ground, was like a pillow meeting concrete.

Xehanort let out a pained sound. His back exploded in pain. The feeling of something stabbing him in his side was excruciating. The teen curled in on himself and let a few stray tears fall from his face, "Are you okay?! Someone exclaimed behind him. Cold hands reached out to grab him, and Xehanort flinched back. The touch hurt... Everything hurt, but Eraqus did not know that Xehanort was hurt. All he wanted to do was help the teen off the floor. He grabbed Xehanort's hand, and pulls.

"NH!" Xehanort screams in pain. Eraqus let go in a hurry. His eyes were pleading.

"Sorry! Oh no. I should go get Master!" Eraqus gets up, ready to run and find help. Xehanort catches the back of Eraqus' robe. "Wha?" The boy let's out the small noise, confused as why Xehanort would prevent him from getting proper treatment, and care.

"N-no! I don't need help! I'm fine!" Eraqus looked over his shoulder. Xehanort looked absolutely defeated. His hand limp, and tanned dark skin bruised with ugly purple and black. "I just have to---" Xehanort moves the wrong way resulting in a heavy CRUNCH underneath him. His hand burned with a sharp centered pain.  Xehanort cried and moaned out. Tears collect at his chin.

"Xehanort! I don't know healing magic, I have to go get---"

"No!" Xehanort bulbbered. "I can fix it!" Xehanort grits his teeth in pain, trying his best to move without irritating the shattered bone.

"It's broken!" Eraqus panicked. "We need to tell Master---"

"What is going on out here?" Master Eizra implored. Eraqus looks up with teary eyes. Eizra rushed to the boy's side immediately checking if he was okay. "What happened? Eraqus are you okay?" Eraqus doesn't speak, or move. Frozen in time. A completely lifeless statue.

Eizra waited. Then found his eyes wandering over to Xehanort. He let a gasp escape him, before he stood up and straightened his shirt. He leads down to Xehanort's eye level, making sure his expression wasn't too harsh for the teen, "What happened?" Xehanort doesn't speak either. He turns away from Eizra with a distrustful attitude.

"Xehanort. Is your arm broken?" Master Eizra's eyes burned frantically. His eyes traced over the bent, dim outline the arm was making. That arm was most definitely broken. "I'm going to heal it," Master Eizra warned. Xehanort's veiled expression turned wide and frightful.

"Nonono. I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I don't need help," Xehanort answers. His whole body is shaking with fear. Eizra muttered something before grabbing Xehanort by his neck. The man almost Immediately regretted that decision when Xehanort freaked out on him.

"Xehanort, calm down! You'll hurt yourself more If you kick and flail like that---" Eizra is cut off my Xehanort's foot hitting him square in the jaw. The Master chokes back a few profane words. He places a hand on his bruised jaw with displeasure. Irritated, the man held Xehanort down and summoned his Keyblade.

"Sleep!"

Xehanort struggles to keep awake. His eyelids felt heavy, and his body wouldn't respond to him. When he finally let the darkness of sleep consume him, all the hurt disappeared.

**Xehanort's Room**

???

"I really don't understand why he acted like he did Master. You were just trying to help him."

"Hurt isn't just something physical, Eraqus."

Xehanort can't open his eyes. He know's he's in a bed. The cover's weigh heavy over him. He tries to shoot up and alert whoever was in the room with him that he was coherent, but his body was stiff with exhaustion.

"Hurt can also be carried in the heart, and Xehanort... He carries a lot of hurt in his heart." The room is silent, "Remember when you first arrived here Eraqus? And you did not like when I would leave you alone? You would cry and kick?" Xehanort can hear Eraqus' breathing pick up.

"Yes... I thought you would leave forever. It's silly now that I think about it." Master Eizra laughed lowly at the statement.

"That's how you dealt with your heart's  hurt at that time, and Xehanort deals with his hurt in his own way. Something that may seem silly, or stupid to you, might be really painful or shocking to him. Remember, be respectful toward that Eraqus."

"Yes, Master."

"Come now Eraqus, you need to go to bed. You have lessons tomorrow."

They leave the room, and it grows colder.

~•~•~

Xehanort can't stop thinking about a memory from Destiny Islands.

_In this memory Xehanort is around twelve, and they are throwing stones at him. By they, he means the Islanders. Adults jeer, and mock him as he passes by. Kids kick and yell harmful things. Somehow in all that madness, Xehanort breaks his ankle. He doesn't remember exactly how. All he remembers is a sharp pain over taking his ankle._

_Xehanort is hit with the smell of alchohol. Pure piss and alchohol. Xehanort leaves his school bag by the entrance. He can see Shinzo watchung TV in the chair, and drinking from a freshly opened beer can. Xehanort ignored the man's drunken stupor goes upstairs._

_He only get's a few pages into his new book, before his ankle starts aching again. It get's so bad, Xehanort has to put the book down and stop himself from crying. Finally, Xehanort opts to tell Shinzo._

_He struggled down the stairs. His leg deadweight. Shinzo snores with his mouth open. It's uproarious snoring, that puts earthquakes to shame. Xehanort reaches out hesitantly_ _for_ _the man._

_"Shinzo." No response. Xehanort shakes harder. The man starts to stir in his sleep, eyebrows furrowed._

_"What. THE fuck?" The man spat. Xehanort flinched._

_"Shinzo, I think I broke my ankle."_

_"Eh? You broke what?" Xehanort puts on a_ _poker face_ _, and gritted his teeth_.

_"My_ **_ankle_ ** _."_

_"What the fuck you doin? Breaking_ _ankles_ _and shit? Go outside and play." Xehanort is furious._

_"I'm serious. Dad. My ankle really hurts!"_

Xehanort doesn't really remember how he let **that** word slip out, but he did regret it. Xehanort remembers the way Shinzo went completely silent. Complete, and total radio silence.

_The feeling of disgust was layered thick in the air._

_"What did you say?"_

Xehanort remembers It.

He remembers the hurt.

He remembers the way he wanted to take it all back.

He remembered thinking;

" _If_ _I just didn't ask for help."_

That's how Eraqus finds him. Staring at his quivering hands with a traumatized expression eating away at his face. Eraqus frowns, placing the tray of breakfast food he had gathered for Xehanort, on the nearest table. Eraqus is subtle in his approach, not wanting to spook Xehanort.

He places a hand on the teen's shoulder, and gives him a shake, "Xehanort?" Eraqus calls as sweetly as he can. The teen is still loving at his quivering hands, still attempting to stop them from shaking so violently. This goes on for minutes, but Eraqus is patient, just like Master told him to be.

When Xehanort snaps out of whatever daze he was in, the teen looks around the room in a confused manner. As if he just woke up from a really complex and scary dream. "I got breakfast for you Xehanort! Master told me to get you double serving since you didn't eat dinner last night. It's porridge! Sorry if you don't like porridge..."

Xehanort blinks a few times. "I'm sorry." He apologizes. "Can you repeat that?" Eraqus stares openly at Xehanort for a moment, before smiling, nodding and humming. All falling in a clean action behind eachother.

"Sure thing!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reminds me of something that I can't put much finger on... hm.
> 
> Oh well!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed ;)


End file.
